Our support network includes friends and neighbors, paid assistants, and government and community programs. The more robust this network, the longer we’ll be able to continue living independently. Bear in mind that maintaining this network will require active coordination.
Friends and Neighbors
Helpful friends and neighbors are ever more essential as we age. Who will accompany us to the emergency room if necessary, or pick up prescriptions, or feed our cats and water our plants if we have a health crisis? Both for emergency assistance and for everyday chores, we need people close by who will help us. Is there a neighbor you can count on to change a light bulb, brush wasp nests from your eaves, or pick up groceries in a pinch? How about someone who’ll check in with you once a day?
Our social network is a function of our location and our personality. In many areas, there’s little community life and people live for years next door to people they hardly know. It would be easy to end up a shut-in, with few outside connections. But this doesn’t have to happen.
There are many ways to get to know people nearby: seeking out opportunities to talk to your neighbors, volunteering in locations in or near your neighborhood, attending neighborhood meetings, joining a church, mosque, or synagogue, working on your front yard, and walking your dog. (Sadly, the cats won’t cooperate, though they’d be a great conversation-starter.)
In addition, the internet gives us access to the world. Even the home-bound can find meaningful community through the internet, which also can lead us to nearby with similar interests. In a town of any size, there are likely to be meet-up groups on topics ranging from quilting to archaeology that combine online and in person get-togethers.
While you may not develop an extensive social network in your senior years, retirement is a gateway that allows you to redefine yourself. If your life was centered on work before retirement, you’ll be amazed at the diversity of individuals you meet outside the workplace, people you’d never have met while working. Retirement gives you time to develop and savor relationships.
Support Circles and Families of Choice
Many adults in the United States live alone, including old people with and without family. The idea of “support circles” or “families of choice” affirms that blood family is not the only kind of family and that we can form mutually supportive groups that accept responsibility for one another. The idea first developed among LGBT people rejected by their biological families but it isn’t limited to them. The LGBT Aging Center defines families of choice as: “Diverse family structures, usually created by LGBT people, immigrants, and racial or ethnic minorities, that include but are not limited to life partners, close friends, and other loved ones not biologically related or legally recognized but who are the source of social and care giving support.”
Little beyond the anecdotal is known about support circles and families of choice. They’re wonderful for people they work for. But because they tend to consist of contemporaries, they’re hard to maintain as people age. Also, it’s hard for people to stay committed in the case of prolonged need, especially if Alzheimer’s is involved.
There are also support groups for people sharing the same health issues. You can learn about them through organizations that deal with the disease or condition and references from your local Area Agency on Aging. You can also seek out appropriate meet-up groups in your area.
Support groups centering on specific diseases and conditions usually meet regularly for emotional support. Some groups also encourage support beyond the group meetings.
Please share your experiences regarding family structures not based on blood relationship.